mine is 46 out of 100. Could be better but could be worse
85 out of 100! Fuck yeah Olympia.
49. Huh, figured it’d be less. Then again, the new commercial district of the town is down the street from me, so with the way they rate it, that figures.
100 out of 100. Hell yes, city living.
lol 32. I’m surprised it’s even that high, tbh.
25. 98% of Pittsburgh residents have a higher Walk Score. And there is no public transportation near me, the nearest park is 3 miles away (and full of crack dealers, though I don’t think that’s part of their data), and basically Pittsburgh fucking sucks. The end.
I love you, too! I just… I don’t get the correlation between shows and girls who act like that. This isn’t the 80s, bitch. David Lee Roth isn’t going to see your prepubescent tits hanging out in the crowd and have his roadies invite you backstage to shoot heroin and give blowjobs. Plus it’s fucking Brand New. Jesse Lacey stands onstage looking like he’d rather die than sing another note, and his penis was all over the internet like last week. Do they really think he’s looking at them?
To the girls sitting next to us at the Brand New show tonight: so I get it, ok? You’re camwhores, congratulations. The second your stupid camera flash started blinding me over and over (while my back was to you, I might add - expert use of your red-eye reduction mode, there), I knew I was in the presence of fucking jailbait greatness. You did not disappoint! Not only were you underage - underage like I doubt both your ages even added up to 18 - you were sprawling all over the fucking benches like amateur porn stars waiting for the money shot. I know that for you, not taking pictures must be like taking the devil down to Georgia and asking him not to get into a fiddling competition, but those people staring at you weren’t thinking about how hot you were. No, sorry, we were all waiting for Chris Hansen to pop out of a closet and collectively tell us all to have a seat right over there.
I hope those pics you took in that dark room full of black lights with full flash turn out really magical, and that neither of you had a nipple slip. Seriously, that would be tragic. Ps, you are lucky I didn’t turn around and nail you right in the fucking face for hair-flipping your skank lice all over me. Put some fucking clothes on, where are your parents, I hope you don’t wind up a statistic, etc. etc.
One day the internet isn't going to fucking die and be out all night until the next morning
Right? Someone please tell me that I won’t always be cursed with Comcast.
On a more positive note, I get to see Brand New tonight. Gonna bring my camera but not going ridiculously early so who knows if I’ll shoot it or just hide from the crowd and listen. I hope they play a lot of songs from Deja Entendu. Mostly I’m just excited to actually go to a show. I hope there’s parking and not a lot of traffic or drunk drivers. Fucking Pittsburgh.
Note for the bros: Empires are playing the Smiling Moose, but I’m pretty sure it’s going to turn out to be 21+. Hopefully not but someone please call and check if you’re coming this way. Expect them to be pissy as fuck at having to navigate this shithole and then watch no one come. Welcome to the joys of seeing shows here. Ughhhh.
NY PRO: Serge Luten’s Tubereuse Criminelle, King of Prussia, Dolce’s fantastic showers
CHI neutral : frequent naps /:
ETA: CHI Con: driving through Indiana
NY PROS: BROOKLYN. MEGS (Depending on where Adam Lasagna is that night). DRINKING. WHEN IS THE ALEXANDER MCQUEEN EXHIBIT AT MOMA? Did Dolce have a pool? It is ironic that that is one of the worst nights ever yet we mutually agree that it’s one of the best places we’ve ever stayed. We can just put out bathing suits on and hang out in the shower like professionals. With Crystal Head on our side, anything is possible.
NY CONS: Bridge Trolls. If you fucking spray that stuff and it stinks I’m making you wash off in the nearest fountain and/or lake. But I love you anyway.
CHI PROS: VOSGES.
CHI CONS: NO DRINKING YET. IT IS INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM PITTSBURGH AND THE TRAFFIC SUCKS JUST AS MUCH. GAS IS MORE EXPENSIVE GOING THAT WAY.
sceaterian said: I’m a sucker for pearls, secretly a 50’s housewife at heart. Do you have any rings that currently fit? When I ordered rings for Bethie and I at Christmas, we printed out a sizing chart and measured the rings that fit us best. It worked perfectly.
I LOVE pearls. That’s a good idea - thanks for the tip! I should probably get sized professionally but I hate jewelry stores, and I don’t ever wear rings because they get in the way. I have one ring. It’s a 7 I think (that’s the standard size, right?) and it fit when I bought it but then somehow I lost a bunch of weight in my fingers. I don’t even know how that happens, but whatever. So now I guess I’d be a 6, only I’m concerned a 6 wouldn’t fit.
If you or anyone you know would like to buy this ring (and I say go for it), it’s on eziba.com. You have to make an account but it’s worth it for the sales. They have adorable freshwater pearl earrings for $14.99 right now, too.
That awkward moment when someone calls while you're dead asleep and you try even harder to sound wide awake. This involves yelling, and bonus points if it was your boss and 10 minutes later you can't remember a single thing he said.
So this morning I internet stalked my oldest internet friend.
He lives in Alabama so needless to say I’m a little bit worried. Everyone on the news has his accent and it’s kind of scary. I’m sure he’s ok, but I’d like to know for sure. We lost touch but I still think about him often and I’m not really sure why we quit talking. I suspect it was just an awkward life thing. There are a million bajillion reasons why Matt is awesome, though. You are free to keep scrolling, btw. First of all, I called him Wookielicious and he called me Cabbage (which is probably the most ridiculous of the 1812391932809384 nicknames I answer to), and he would send me insanely cool things from the South - in turn I’d send him insanely stupid things from the Northeast. In one box I got weird touristy things from NOLA and a shark on a stick named Styles Sharkley. I sent him a billion books and burned cds and turned him on to Arcade Fire. He sent me a birthday cactus once. I still make his mom’s sweet potato casserole every Thanksgiving, and people flip their shit over it. Did I mention we met on IRC? Oh yeah we did. We used to RP Dungeons & Dragons online when I was but a super-young young buck, and we made up stories about a pimp Garou. I’m re-reading old emails but this address isn’t active anymore. It’s ironic that I had to a) make a youtube account and b) stalk him there because I’m too afraid of Facebook. Who has two thumbs and is awkward as fuck?! THIS BITCH!
On a more somber note, my heart goes out to all of the victims of yesterday’s storms. You’ll be in my thoughts.
I’m going to try to sleep. Too much coffee and nostalgia. Fuuuuuu-
Both of my parents are disabled and I live on a fixed-income provided by the government. Recently we were told that, due to collection of back taxes, our house will be put up for auction on June 13th if we do not pay them off.
New prints are on the way to me and will be here within the next 5 days. I’ll mail your prints out immediately. I’ll be doing the mailing myself. I also upgraded all of you to 5x7s from 4x6s. If you missed my previous post I’ll reiterate:
If you never got your prints from my February print contest, please leave me a message in my ask box. If you’ve already done so, thanks and I’ll send you a message as soon as I put them in the mail.
So the firm representing the House in that DOMA lawsuit just quit. That’s good, thanks for maybe making them see the light, but I maintain the position that there’s too many faux-Christians and not enough smiting going on. Newt Gingrich and Donald Trump, two of the knuckleheads who were trying to get this Defense of Marriage Act to stick, have had like 3 marriages and a million affairs a piece - and these are the people who are throwing your name around these days? Damn, God, what happened?
Ever since the New Testament, you’ve been kind of soft. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but you used to keep everyone on lock under threat of crazy shit like burning and turning to salt. Now nothing happens, no matter how messed up some people are. God, Moses just wondered where the hell they were going and you banished him from ever seeing the promised land. You used to be kind of a bitch, God. Now it feels like one long weekend where your parents are out of town, only it’s been forever. Look at all these jerks twisting your words around and using them to propagate hatred and intolerance, Lord! Isn’t it time you pulled out the ole Smiting Finger and let at least one person have it? There’s a funeral-protesting church that could sure use a baptism - by agonizing, burning eternal hellfire.
I’m not busy most mornings, you know. So I mean, if you want I’d be happy to do the smiting for you. If you’re agreeable to making me your avatar, please know that I’d also like the power to heal the sick and feed the hungry, and also the power to give people ball cancer. Ball cancer for everyone, in the name of Jesus.
Gas prices are over $5, companies are trying to cut the work week to 4 days because no one can afford to commute, but Exxon is reporting a 60% profit jump and is going unchecked
Middle class gets screwed again. No one cares. Again. Why should the Taliban have all the fun? I think you should be allowed to stone or starve your politicians if they refuse to actually work for you. These Republicans love Jesus so much, so let’s kick it biblical.
Show of hands, please, re: print contest I ran in February
If anyone didn’t get their prints, can you please ask box me? I need to get a count of who is owed what. I paid extra per print for my lab to ship them directly because I was too busy to do it myself, and apparently some people didn’t get theirs. This is a shady situation considering I paid them to do it and all, so this time I’ll just do it myself like I should have in the first place.
I still have your names and addresses and the print you chose, but please just drop me a message to let me know if you didn’t get it. Don’t reblog this or tell me in replies because I won’t be on tumblr due to the holiday, but ask box messages go to my phone.
That awkward moment when that dude you order prints from asks where you fit them all and you get defensive and say this one is for your friend. But it isn't. It's for you, and you'll fucking make space ok? Lay off.
Sometimes I read stories on Tumblr that are super far-fetched and/or supremely annoying
And they always go like this:
I was an asshole/I said something mean.
Because I was an asshole/said something mean, something bad happened.
Usually to someone else, AKA my aunt’s friend’s cousin’s grandmother’s coworker’s brother-in-law.
But man, do I feel bad about it.
Don’t be an asshole/say something mean.
The thing that annoys me is how many people reblog these stories, but then forget that the ultimate message is simply, “Don’t be an asshole.” Why do we need a Tumblr urban legend to tell us that actions and words have consequences?
I guess it’s because humans learn through parable, and when you put it like that it actually makes a lot of sense. The foibles of the gods in Antiquity, the wayward sons in the Bible, the kid whose face froze that way. The shortcomings of these fictional protagonists teach us how to be better human beings. That being said, if you need a story on Tumblr to tell you that you should take your earphones out when someone approaches to ask you a fucking question, then humanity is fucked. Deep and meaningful revelations aside, if “take your earphones out, dummy,” is a lesson that you need to learn, then you are still a fucking asshole.
That’s all I’ve got and 90% is the Benadryl talking but seriously, Tumblr? Promethus stole fire from Zeus and was forced to have his liver eaten by giant eagles over and over again. By comparison, the best modern society can come up with is “take out your earphones when someone is talking to you, or you’ll feel kind of bad.” Can we just please get some better cautionary tales? I’ll start.
One day a girl was on Tumblr and she reblogged those Westboro trolls. Even though logic dictates that if you ignore trolls they will go away, she just did whatever Tumblr told her to because it was easier than thinking about things on her own. As soon as she hit ‘reblog’ a giant centaur exploded from her computer screen and kicked her mom in the face, then teabagged her over and over again for the rest of eternity. All for the sin of unwittingly spreading hateful propaganda. If you don’t reblog this then the Centaur of Justice will find your mom and eternally teabag her, too.
I can’t believe I just typed the word ‘teabagged.’ But you probably get the idea. Good talk, Tumblr. I’m going to go to bed now.
In other news, I think I’m legitimately sick and it isn’t just allergies. Sup, swollen glands AND chills. Nice of you to get back together.
I’ll have to do that myself pretty soon and I’m scared of how much I don’t know about it.
Don’t pay for your EIN number. There are a lot of sites that will say they take the hassle out for anywhere from $45-$100 dollars, but there’s no hassle except that the IRS has shitty servers. Call them up on the small business line: 1-800-829-4933 and then follow the prompts. It’s free and takes like 5 minutes if you don’t have to wait and are filing for a sole proprietorship.